udderiffic indulgence.

I checked my mobile phone after coming out from the shower, and was very surprised to see that I had received two text messages. Who would text me at this hour, I wondered. (More accurately, Is it from a secret admirer! was my more hopeful but ultimately wishful thought.) Nevertheless, I was curious so I opened the first message. To my amazement, it read:

In between two podiums. Near to (sic) the gal’s podium. -jun liang.

Huh! I exclaimed to myself, while Leon ruminated thoughtfully over math questions. Who is this Jun Liang, and why is he texting me! My curiosity piqued, I opened the second text message, which to my amusement this time, read:

We’re at the bar next to the toilet

Because I am so intelligent and clever, I very quickly put two and two together - while Leon algebrated his math problems - and deduced that: Ah ha! It’s Wed nite/Thu morning, so Jun Liang is Mambo-ing at Zouk, and he is texting someone his location so that said someone will know where to find him.

However, I don’t know Jun Liang, and I don’t think Jun Liang knows me - I don’t have his number in my phone book, and I don’t know (m)any Jun Liangs anyway, so I suspect he typed the number out in a drunken (not violet) but very frenzied haze and sent the messages to me, the unintended recipient.

Because I am so easily amused, I laughed to myself (not out loud, mind you, because Leon was busy numerating the denominator) at the absurdity of the situation. But because I am also very imaginative, I immediately started worrying: Oh no! What if Jun Liang (my new-found friend) intended the text message for a GIRL? And what if she doesn’t receive the messages? Will she ever be able to find him?

Quickly, because I am a quick person, I typed out this reply to Jun Liang:

You’re msging the wrong person dude! But I hope you get some tonight! Don’t be scared, just whack, if you don’t try you’ll never know!

Satisfied that I had managed to avert yet another national disaster, I walked over to Leon and very proudly told him what I had done. However, he grunted at me and asked me to help him with his math problem.

Silence.

I hope Jun Liang gets some tonight.

P.S. If you are Jun Liang and you read this, please let me know if you got some and I will declare the next day a public holiday for everyone!

…it means that I have once again reneged on my promise to post up my exciting piece. Nevertheless, I am not one to renege on excitement, so here are some posts from friends which I think are abso-f-lutely hilarious.

Then again, it could just be my humour. But who cares!

ok i say this with absolutely no disrepsect (sic) to our mainland chinese friends in sg,
BUT IS THERE SOME PLOY TO SEND YOUR UGLIER COMPATRIOTS TO STUDY HERE? COS IN ALL MY 3YEARS IN NUS, I HAVEN’T SEEN ANYTHING CLOSE TO WHAT I SEE IN THE MTV. GRRRRR.

Oh my goodness, Charlotte Chew, only you can blatantly say these kind of things!

Let’s give a round of applause to Fridge, for winning the “Most Difficult to Clean Household Item” Award. It was difficult because it had many grooves. It was groovy. There was dirt in grooves. If I’d cleaned only once, the dirt would be pushed to another part. The cloth had to be constantly washed and rewashed for absolute hygiene. I didn’t wash in a pail because I would be reusing the same dirty water, so I had to walk to the tap and back after each swipe. When the fridge was finally quite clean, I had to wipe it dry.

If Sisyphus had to have a friend, it’d be Hansel.

I was on the 143 going to Novena when the bus stopped at a, um, bus stop. There was a loud metallic clang from outside, but being the not-kepoh kind, I sat quietly in my seat listening to Guns N’ Roses. (Perhaps if I hadn’t been listening to them, I’d have realised how loud the crash was.) … No pictures. What do you think this is, STOMP?

Lynn Chan, the filth and the funny.

Okay lah, three are enough, I want to eat my instant noodles in piece shit, Freudian slip. Peace, peace! You want more, go to Cowboy Caleb’s site.

Back then, the only form of Cyberwellness we had came in the guise of “DON’T TOUCH THE DAMN THING, THE DAMN THING CAN’T WORK. OKAY?” - when our teacher tried to gently explain to us that he had kindly locked our keyboards and mice using a centralised system while he went through the finer points of ourl very boring lesson package, so that we wouldn’t surf the net and be led astray by unsavoury influences.

Read More…

I know I promised an exciting post to start off the week, but it’s still in a draft form. Also, I was busy doing school assignments, so didn’t have time to finish up the post.

Nevertheless, because I believe in efficiency and efficacy, I’m killing two birds with one stone by letting you read what I’ve written over at Bovinesauria; I think some parts are quite funny and I hope you gain something from it too. Cheers!